


Of Zora Wedding Bells - An April Fool's Joke

by GaiaSophia



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, I am sorry Sidon, Love, M/M, Multi, Right?, Weddings, You know this is an April fool's day joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:02:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaSophia/pseuds/GaiaSophia
Summary: Just another typical wedding day?
Relationships: Prince Sidon/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Of Zora Wedding Bells - An April Fool's Joke

The water of Zora’s Domain felt cool and refreshing at your unhindered feet. A perfect day of sunshine and air that is  _ just _ the right temperature. Of course, it wouldn’t be a perfect day without your perfect prince of the Zora. Sidon, in all his royal demeanor, softly slid next to you, tapping you ever so slightly on the shoulder.

“Ready to go, my love? Get married to me, I mean…” A small dust of pink began to bloom at his cheeks and travel down his neck. “I have been waiting for this day for a long time.” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “I love you,” he whispered.

You chuckled at his obvious flirtations. “The wedding isn’t until tomorrow, silly.” You smiled up at him. But, that gleam soon turned sour at the sight of the prince’s sorrow.

But that sorrow soon turned to determination. “No, we wed today! I have waited long enough!” The prince of the Zora picked you up in his arms and barreled towards the inner parts of the domain.

You gripped his cravat. “Sidon! Slow down!” you cried as the prince nearly flattened the people in front of his rampage. Zora jumped out of the way of their boisterous prince. The people who were too stunned were pushed out of their cemented stance by other onlookers. Truly, not a beast was seen since Vah Ruta.

Sidon opened the palace gates and tore a tapestry off the wall to reveal a hidden passage. Then, and only then, did the prince walk. He walked down the steep steps descending into the bowels of the castle. The only light came from luminous stones attached to the ceiling. Deep, blue-green crystals cast a glow that lit up murals. They depicted a large being dying at the hands of someone he was trying to save.

Your eyes widened.

It couldn’t be of...no…

Everyone forgot about this tragedy. It was too painful to remember. Whenever someone even spoke his name all that came out were wails of sorrow. Your hero, Harambe.

He saved you from Calamity Gannon and prevented the destruction of Hyrule! He single-handedly saved all four champions at once from certain demise! You turned to your lover. “Why have you brought me down here?”

Sidon avoided your gaze. “It is time you meet him.” 

The soft droplets of his words created a thousand ripples in your mind. But that only lasted for a second as a door opened before you. And there, standing was him.

Or, it looked like him…

“Behold! Harambe’s son! Born from his heroic frozen sperm, I carried him in my pouch to full term! He shall wed us tonight!” You gazed at the holy magic that was this gorilla. You have never seen such splendor in all your life!

The son of Harambe stood. Eeeee-oh-oh-oh (You are not ready to wed!)

“But, I do not understand! She is perfect for the role as Queen!” Sidon retorted.

Oh-eeeeee-ohoho (I am talking about  _ you _ )

“Me? What must I do O great son of Harambe? I must have you bless this union!”

Eeeeeee-oh-oh-eeeeeeeeee (You must show your worth!)

A large smokescreen filled the sanctum. Figures popped out of the mist, dashing this way and that. You could faintly see a woman with a strange haircut. She called out, “May I speak to the manager? This is NOT acceptable!”

Oh no! A Karen could  _ not _ be appearing in front of you! Another shadow caught your eye. A small yellow rodent. “Pika Pika motherfucker!”

You grabbed your sword, an absurdly long dildo. “Let’s fuck them in the ass!” you cried. Sidon went after Pickachu (which was a stupid idea). You took to Karen. Her nagging about needing a manager tested your eardrums to their very limit! You wacked her over her stupid haircut with the absurdly long dildo. A smile creamed across your face as she turned to smoke from the sheer disgust of touching such a vile device of pleasure. 

Sidon was having less luck. Pikachu shocked him into a paralyzed state and began humping him from behind. “Pika Pika Bitch!”

Sidon tried to smile. “D..Don’t worry about me. I have it handled!” Oh this proud prince…

Something made contact with the back of your head. And the last thing you remember was those horrible words…

“420 blaze it…”

**Author's Note:**

> Even in the midst of a divorce, I still like to post shit like this ;)


End file.
